


Sometimes all you can do when you're injured is think about gender.

by KittenThyme (kittenpyjamas)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU: Ding Dong Palpatine's Dead, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon characters are only mentioned in passing, Explosions (mentioned), F/M, Gender Identity, Implied/Referenced Sex, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Prosthesis, Trans Clone Troopers (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenpyjamas/pseuds/KittenThyme
Summary: Lissah, a togruta Jedi Knight, is recovering from an injury and has time to think about some things after meeting a new friend.
Relationships: Original Clone Character(s) & Original Jedi Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s)/Original Jedi Character(s), Original Jedi Character(s)/Original Jedi Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	Sometimes all you can do when you're injured is think about gender.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot of context to this story that I will not be going into unless people ask I guess? I don't even know how to begin to summarise it. I guess the easiest bit to clarify is that Lissah is dating Aiwha (a pilot Clone) and Alexei (a jedi). She got injured after someone set off a trap in a fake server room, which is what the Clones are trying to reconstruct at the end of her bed.

Lissah was sitting in her hospital bed, watching the clones she'd come to think of as 'her team' try to put together the model of the basement that had exploded and put her in the bed in the first place. She couldn't remember it at all and P3-3P had only managed to take a few snapshots. But they had all seen the rubble having pulled her out of it and had obviously been there initially before she had unceremoniously removed them.

Arrow stood silently beside her Aiwha, the pair of them watching the bickering trio who were sitting at the table at the foot of her bed with the model. Crasher, nominally in charge, was placing down black boxes to represent the server banks. Bull was loudly critiquing the placement, and Blaze was arguing vehemently that both her brothers were very wrong. 

Lissah's eyes lingered on Blaze, feeling a tug of curiosity at the loose black curls that fell around her shoulders and wondering idly what it would feel like to have a mane like that. She wondered too if Blaze's brothers ever asked her similar things. 

She'd not looked up the woman's file, that felt incredibly rude, but Aiwha had explained that she'd transitioned after the war had ended. Finally able to leave the GAR and confirm what had been clear to her since her first awareness that you could be anything other than a man. 

This wasn't an entirely alien concept to Lissah, there were Jedi who had done much the same thing in the past, but it wasn't one she'd thought about in any great detail. Given the argument at the table wasn't going anywhere fast, perhaps she could pay it some attention now. 

What she knew of Togrutan gender was limited, she'd been rather disconnected from her own culture despite the best efforts of Master Tii. She knew what was written in the books of the Temple but she also knew from her own experiences that those could be intensely flawed in their own way. It was often from the view of a 'researcher' from Coruscant and rarely a good participant ethnography. So, from a... Jedi... perspective then, as that was all she had? Obviously, she mused, this was informed by Coruscant culture, she supposed, but that was fairly varied, if a little human heavy in the upper echelons... which well... explained a lot of her current problem. But, that wasn't the focus of her thoughts now, or at least she was trying not to let them be. 

The Jedi were as gender neutral as a group could be, Lissah supposed, it wasn't like their duties were split based on anything in particular. She recalled someone remarking once, whilst she'd been waist deep in the engine of their shuttle on a diplomatic run before the war, that it was odd to see a 'woman' so good at fixing ships. She also recalled the number of times her Master had had to step in during material negotiations too because despite being far far more knowledgeable about mechanics even at that early stage in her training, men had refused to listen to her. She recalled the sensation of that label being attached to her and frowned a little as she considered whether it was something she actually cared about at all. She... didn't think she did? She was far more attached to other labels about her, her species, her position in the Order, even her relationship status and openness meant more to her than 'woman'. 

So what did 'woman' mean to her? Lissah considered the other women she knew now, Blaze, Aiya, Master Luminara, Padmé, Ahsoka... oh now there was a thought. She considered the other togruta, recalling vaguely her insistence on wearing clothing that was easy to move around in but still 'feminine'. Lissah recalled thinking that was kind of stupid at the time, why go for skin tight outfits when a boiler suit would serve the same purpose? But clearly it had meant something to Ahsoka and given her choice to continue wearing... well... whatever was most suitable for following Padmé around in, which was usually something feminine and formal. Lissah thought about herself, every formal event she'd been to she'd opted for her robes, and doubly good if she could get her robes that still had her armour plates on them. She was not in any way... feminine. But... neither was Blaze and clearly she had more attachment to the term than Lissah did.

She studied the pyrotechnician from her vantage point on her bed, her montrals adding a layer of density analysis that simply wasn't there visually. She was wearing very similar things to her brothers, they were working from donated stock or old GAR gear after all, but they'd been cut differently to highlight rather than hide her curves and she was wearing a small amount of additional padding in her bra which... well... Lissah didn't think she needed it but it was clearly important to her. So she was going out of her way to highlight those features rather than hide them and after their rather interesting discussion the day before she knew it wasn't to be provocative... so... why? Any time Lissah remembered wearing 'pretty' clothes that 'highlighted' her features she'd been doing it fairly deliberately to get a reaction out of her partners. But for Blaze this was different and Lissah could tell innately.

So... if not a woman then... what? She felt no more attachment to the idea of being a man, or anything else under the stars. She felt no desire to be anything physically other than what she was. She didn't have any real attachment to her physical attributes beyond the appreciation others had of them and she was already significantly metallic, so if more things had to be then so be it. She wouldn't be any sadder than if she lost her left leg as well as her right. But, she realised, that didn't apply to everything. She'd be devastated if she lost any more of her lekku, or her montrals took a significant hit. But that was at least partially because of the role they played in helping her navigate the world as well as her attachment to her species. She was proud of those in a way she was of very little else.

Was it possible to be nothing? She quite liked that idea. That felt very Jedi. She wasn't even the space in the middle she was just... not. She had removed herself from the equation. She smiled at that idea, and P3-3P chirped inquisitively and zipped up to her lap from where he had been watching the table. 

"Hnm? Oh, it's nothing, Peep. You keep helping with the photos." She affectionately blew on the little bird droid to get him to flutter back off to help the others.

  
  



End file.
